Tuesday, September 25, 2007

DwtS Men Jockey For Pole Position

For the first time in five seasons, there really doesn't appear to be a clunker in sight on Dancing with the Stars. The men took their turn tonight, and all six contestants gave credible performances, giving their all and having fun in the process. No Master P types this year for sure.

The leader of the pack, in both dance ability and having fun, was race car driver Helio Castroneves, who is paired with defending champ Julianne Hough. Helio was all smiles the entire time and showed off classy moves in a smooth, elegant and lovely foxtrot. He seems to be the class of the men's side.

Cameron Mathison had a few little stumbles but was otherwise good on his foxtrot. Much better than I expected. He looks a little like a meathead, so I wasn't expecting much. Nor was I expecting much out of Abercombie model Albert Reed, who, at 22, is the youngest competitor this season (younger than the Cheetah Girl even!). Albert's a total goofball, but he pulled off his cha cha with personality and even some decent hip action. Oh, and his bare chest didn't hurt either! Mark Cuban was a cheeseball as well but also did much better than expected. I figured he'd throw away the choreography and do goofy white man dancing just for laughs, but he bought in and sold it.

The bottom 2 according to the judges were Wayne Newton, followed by boxer Floyd Mayweather. Wayne is ancient (and a wax figure), and I feared for his health during the dance, but he hung in there and he tried. Cheryl Burke, as usual, did a good job teaching her partner. Wayne's just too old to move those hips in a cha cha. Floyd has good rhythm and is a naturally good dancer. I was shocked he was in the bottom with straight sixes. The judges had positive comments and said he had lots of potential but low-balled him in the end. Yeah, I know he danced over-aggressively, and, as Carrie-Ann said, danced as if he was boxing Karina, but straight 6's?!

I think it's safe to say that Josie Maran's a goner tomorrow. They couldn't have telegraphed that more when Tom Bergeron said "someone's going home tomorrow" and the cameras cut right to a shot of Josie. Ouch.

Monday, September 24, 2007

DwtS Off To Good Start

The fifth season of Dancing With The Stars got underway tonight with a strong showing from the female dancers and an upgrade in the hosting department with season two winner Drew Lachey filling in for Samantha Harris, who just had a baby.

Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan was in mid-season form, performing a cha cha to the Pussycat Dolls' "Dont'cha" that was probably the best first-week dance anyone has ever done in the history of the show. The girl straight-up attacked the dance, showing energy, fancy footwork, and good hip action. The only criticism the judges (and particularly Len, of course) was that they put too much hip hop in the routine. Sabrina was so good that I pretty much immediately yelled out "Ringer!" Which she kind of is. No, she's not a ballroom dancer, but she makes a living out of singing, acting and dancing. And if she keeps up the "cheetalicious" talk, I may have to smack her.

Also showing well was 56-year old Jane Seymour, the oldest female competitor ever on the show. You couldn't tell. She was terrific. So elegant and graceful. And she's still hot enough to get the votes from the male persuasion.

As is Jennie Garth, whom Bruno called a "yummy mummy". Jennie looked absolutely petrified and unsure of herself in rehearsal but managed to pull it together on the show and loosen up. While her footwork wasn't very good, she has potential and actually looked like she was having fun. Even if they were doing a cha cha to "Uptown Girl". (God, who picks the music here?!)

Marie Osmond, who I had pegged to be a stiff, uptight dancer, was anything but, hamming it up to the judges and charming the audience. She's not really that good of a dancer, but she sold it like no other. She also got in a good line, saying that the audience is made up of 25 million voters, "and 22 million of them are Osmonds!"

Another good line came from season 1 champion Alec Mazo, who called model Josie Maran "deceptively unfit". Which she really was. She was kind of a klutz and seemed to stumble a few times during their routine. She did show some nice posture at times, though.

Mel B. (Scary Spice) had a good showing, but I can't really say I remember too much about it other than Maksim looking really nice in his all-black outfit.

Josie is most likely to leave first, but who knows how well (or bad) the men will do tomorrow night. I have a feeling Mark Cuban is going to be terrible, but I think he'll throw in some goofy dance moves to compensate and will stay because of it. Hopefully Cameron Mathison has a better showing than he did during his brief time onstage tonight. As he was coming down the steps during the intro, he almost ate it. Doh!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Donatos Face The Music

After getting their asses kissed by most of the media, Big Brother 8 finalists Dick and Daniele Donato finally got a hard-hitting interview, conducted beautifully by Ed Hill of midseasonreplacements.com.

Read the interview here.

The Donatos got really defensive in this interview, and the hypocricy was flying. After one question, Dick says, "As far as I know, I didn’t fabricate anything, I didn’t lie about anything. I said things that people are afraid to say. Calling people hypocrites." And when Ed points out that they lied to Eric and Jessica, Daniele jumps in with, "You know, honestly, people say that they can come into this game and go the full game being an honest person and never tell a lie. That is the biggest load of crap. There is absolutely no way you can get to the end without telling one lie." Dick follows up with, "If you think you can come into this game and not tell a lie, you’re lying to yourself."

Um, hello? How do you go from "I didn't lie about anything" to "If you think you can come into this game and not tell a lie, you're lying to yourself" in the span of about 30 seconds?

Later in the interview, Ed calls out Daniele for putting Jen up on the block because Jen took things to a personal level and also for bitching about the jury getting personal when all her dad ever did was make personal attacks. Why was it ok for her dad to do it but not ok for Jen? "Because he was my alliance!" Daniele says (probably screeches more than says).

CBS cuts off the interview, saying they are out of time, and Ed hears this:

Daniele: Oh my god!


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An Evel Ending

Evel Dick Donato won Big Brother 8 by a 5-2 count, and the only reason I find this somewhat satisfying is because Daniele has got to be pissed. Dick would not have been so upset if his daughter won, but you can bet Daniele was thinking she'd win and then be able to cut Dick off from her life again. It was so telling when she got so pissed at her dad for his speech to the jury. It's fine and dandy for her to portray herself as the player in the game, but god forbid Dick did too. She was expecting Daddy to convince the jury to give her the money. Heh. Too bad, Princess!

Another satisfying moment came when the America's Player twist was revealed and Julie Chen pointed out to Dick that it was Eric's convincing of the other houseguests that kept Dick in the game instead of Dustin and not Dick's "masterminds". The look on Dick's face as it sunk in was absolutely priceless.

But it does pain me to take any satisfaction from seeing such an evil, disgusting sub-human win any kind of prize. The only prize he deserves is a good, swift kick in the you-know-what from Jen, Kail, Carol, Jameka, Amber and Dustin.

I just read the perfect summation to Dick winning, from Andrew Walsh at 2Snaps.TV:

"The same country that feels that it is morally wrong for me to marry another man thinks it would be great if a hypothetical ass rapist wins Big Brother. I give up."

Jameka had the best analogy of the night, calling Daniele the pimp who was calling all the shots and Dick as the ho doing the dirty work. Hilarious.

Couple of random observations from the show:

*Eric got off easy on the America's Player reveal. They did not talk about the money he pocketed for his "tasks" or show the video of him being assigned to kiss Jessica or give him that stupid Woobie. And his apology to Dustin and Amber was horseshit because he was supposed to try to evict Kail the week he was all gung-ho with the get-Nick-out campaign. If it was in his best interests to get the player America wanted out, he was all for it. If not, he was half-ass.

*Jessica feels like a schmuck right now. Look at her face in this picture during the reveal.

*Jen, who I couldn't stand initially but who I ended up adoring about a week later, was all kinds of awesome with her eye rolls and making fun of Daniele's "Honestly".

*Amber, you're still a twit and who the hell are you to yell at Jen for calling a truce with Dick? You were still buddies with Eric after he told Dick your deepest secret and you called him the devil in disguise and telling him you hated him. Hey, Amber, you're a hypocrite. And I'm sure you don't know what that word means, so take some of that money you "earned" in sequester and buy yourself a dictionary, mmkay?

*Julie Chen, could you kiss any more Donato ass than you did tonight?! I have never seen her fawn over a contestant like that before. Whatever miniscule shred of journalist integrity the Chen-bot had left is now seriously gone.

*Janelle mugging for the camera with her "We Trust the Donatos" sign? WTF, woman?! And if you're going to go back and sit in the audience on a show you were on the past two years and hold up a sign like a fangirl, at least make it WITTY.

*Howie looks like he really ate Pepperoni this time.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Most Vile Reality TV Stars

In "honor" of the crowning of a Donato as the winner of Big Brother 8, I thought it would be an appropriate time to unveil my list of Top 10 Most Vile Reality Stars. And it, of course, starts, with the aforementioned Gruesome Twosome.

1T. Dick Donato, Big Brother 8 - Despite the glowing CBS edit of "Evel" Dick, many Big Brother fans like myself have seen this prick in action in all his misogynstic and homophobic glory. Dick has verbally abused most of the houseguests under the guise of "playing the game". He has threatened death, rape and sodomy, taunted someone about his sexual orientation, made sexually crude comments, pointed a lit cigarette at another contestant after she pushed him away for blowing smoke in her face and other countless horrible things.

1T. Daniele Donato, Big Brother 8 - At least with Dick, you knew what you were getting. With Daniele, she encouraged Daddy Dearest to go after the others and flashed that heinous shit-eating grin as he did it (see Bunny Hop competition when she told Dick to harrass Zach). Daniele is also the whiniest bitch that has ever hit the TV airwaves. "This is so haaaaaaaaaaard! This sucks! It's so fruuuuuuuuuuustrating!" Basically, she's smug, arrogant, whiny, bitchy, entitled, manipulative, bratty and self-centered. Oh, and racist too. And she cheated on her boyfriend on national TV.

3. Puck, Real World: San Francisco - The disgusting hygiene (blowing snot rockets, scooping out peanut butter from the jar with his scabby finger) was bad enough, but the homophobic comments he often made to AIDS-afflicted roommate Pedro Zamora were reprehensible. He was kicked out of the house by his fellow castmates before the show ended.

4. Jonny Fairplay, Survivor: Pearl Islands - Obnoxious, untrustworthy and pretty much a jackass. Yeah, that's reality TV gold. Fairplay showed an absolute lack of morals on the show when he engineered a pre-planned lie with his buddy, who announced to the cast that Fairplay's grandmother had died, which helped build up sympathy from the cast, who let him win the challenge.

5. Jonathan Baker, Amazing Race 6 - Another misogynistic creep, this guy with a Napoleon complex turned all his vitriol on his wife Victoria during the Amazing Race, constantly yelling and screaming at her and even shoving her on camera. He continued his "charming" ways on Reality Stars Fear Factor, getting into a shoving match with host Joe Rogan (not unsurprisingly, Jonny Fairplay was an instigator).

6. The Nerd Herd, Big Brother 6 - I could include them all separately (Eric, Maggie, Ivette, Jen, April, Beau), but since they basically acted as a group, I'll unite them in all their hypocritical, vile glory. They called themselves "The Friendship" but came to be known by BB viewers as the "Fiendship" and by the other houseguests as "The Nerd Herd" instead. They spent their entire time in the house blathering on about how good they were while talking about how evil the other group (and especially Janelle) was and making racist comments about Kaysar. Hypocrites.

7. The Weavers, The Amazing Race: Family Edition - They were the Nerd Herd of TAR with their mind-boggling hypocricy. Like the Nerd Herd, they spent most of their time talking about how good they were and whining about how bad everyone else was. All while insulting the locals of the towns they raced in, making fun of the other racers, throwing food at their cars (and littering the highway!), trying to sabotage other racers, and praying to God for help on the race. You hate to speak ill of people who have gone through such tragedy (Pa Weaver died in a car race at Daytona), but these people were just ... ugh. Rolly was ok, but the women in this family? Ugh.

8. Mike Boogie, Big Brother 2/Big Brother All-Stars - Mike Boogie had neither the skills nor the charm of his buddy Dr. Evil, Will Kirby. Will did absolutely nothing in any competition, lied to everyone, told everyone he was lying, and somehow managed to not only stay likeable but got everyone to basically do his bidding. Mike Boogie tried to do the same thing but still came off as a massive douche-bag. In All-Stars, he hooked up with Erika, using her to his advantage and convinced her that it was real while he was boasting in the diary room about how she was a ho. He was more harmless in Season 2, just a pathetic fame-whore with his white rapper persona and his proposing to Krista in the season finale.

9. Corey Clark, American Idol 2 - Not only was his voice like nails on a chalkboard, but he was the skeeviest skeeve that ever skeeved. As shown when he tried to further his "recording career" (HA!) by going to the media about an alleged affair with Paula Abdul just before his CD was to be released.

10. Alison Irwin, Big Brother 4/Big Brother All-Stars - She maniuplated and lied her way throughout the game and basically was in bed with all the guys in the house despite having a boyfriend (that she ended up going on the Amazing Race with ... and losing early. ha!). She trash talked a lot and I think she even said something bad about one of her housemates' children. I can't even remember half the things she did, but I remember her making my blood boil that season.

Honorable mention:
Omarosa, The Apprentice/The Surreal Life
Shannon Dragoo, Big Brother 2
Scott Long/Jase Wirey, Big Brother 5
Dustin Diamond, Celebrity Fit Club
Master P, Dancing With The Stars
Beth Stolarczyk, The Real World: LA
Stephen Williams, The Real World: Seattle
Tonya Cooley, The Real World: Chicago
Janice Dickinson, The Surreal Life
Richard Hatch, Survivor: Borneo
Jerri Manthey, Survivor: Australia

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Evil Will Win On BB

Ugh. So Evil Dick and Daniele are the final two in the Big Brother house after Dick beat Zach in the final HoH competition. Worst. Final. Two. Ever. And that includes Maggie and Ivette, which says a whole hell of a lot because those two were heinous.

BTW, why does this show always have heinous winners and final twos?? Seriously!

Season 1 - Eddie/Josh ... that season sucked overall
Season 2 - Will/Nicole ... Will (the only truly worthy winner)
Season 3 - Danielle/Lisa ... Danielle got screwed
Season 4 - Alison/Jun ... HEINOUS
Season 5 - Drew/Cowboy ... Cowboy was a joke
Season 6 - Maggie/Ivette ... HEINOUS
Season 7 - Boogie/Erika ... HEINOUS

So the jury gets to decide who gets more money between them. Oh boy, as Zach said. Actually, in this case, I'd like to bring back an All-Star quote (for the second year in a row) from Marcellas -

"How do you choose between gonorrhea or the clap? What do you do?"

Not sure which one is gonorrhea and which one is the clap in this case. I don't really give a flying fuck who wins. They both suck. But I think I loathe Daniele even more than Dick, which speaks volumes because Dick is one of the most heinous people ever on reality TV.

So tonight's show ... WTF was with the hero music played for Dick after the bunny hop competition (aka Chinese Water Torture)? I mean, GOD. We get it, CBS! You love the Donatos. You don't have to hit us over the head with an avil.

Zach couldn't pull it off in the end, but I give him massive props for trying. He was so impressive spending seven hours in that "rain" with Dick screaming obscenities at him and having no support (not that Daniele's support was as compassionate as CBS tried to make it seem ... her encouragement was so half-assed and bored). The last competition is basically a crapshoot, and unfortunately the bunny man came up one short. :(

The show ended with Dick screaming about how he and Daniele are the best team ever to play this game. No other team made it to the final two - not Janelle and her secret partner, not Will and Boogie, not even Danielle and Jason. Um, big difference here, DICK. You and evil spawn weren't supposed to be partners, but enemies. I wouldn't be surprised if those two weren't nearly as estranged as they were portrayed to be.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Canadian Sanjaya Almost Wins Idol

All is right in Canada tonight after alt-rocker Brian Melo became the fifth Canadian Idol, defeating Elvis impersonator Jaydee Bixby in the finale.

Despite all the judges' boastings pre-show about their show not having a Sanjaya-like competitor, Jaydee, the teen "heartthrob" more known for his gimmick than his voice (sound familiar??), gained a big following with the tweens and grandmas with his aww-shucks country bumpkin persona and his older than oldies country song choices. Too bad he couldn't sing anything from the last 30 years worth a lick. And wow did he desecrate quite a few of those tunes - Green Day's "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" in particular. Ugh. I shudder just thinking about it.

Meanwhile, Brian chugged along throughout the competition, consistently delivering quality performances. I had him as one of my favorites from week one, but he was a little under the radar at first and landed in the bottom a few times early on, most memorably with supposed front-runner Greg Neufeld on Top 8 week. Greg shockingly got the boot, Brian stayed and absolutely thrived, pulling off impeccable song selections and giving a good chunk of the season's best performances, including She Talks To Angels. He even made the Idol coronation song sound good. You can hear it on his brand-new website: brianmelo.com.

Congrats to Mr. Melo, and let's hope they at least give him some say in which crappy songs they give him for his album!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Brit Bland At VMAs

It was a different kind of train wreck than I had anticipated. And maybe the train wreck I was expecting would have been better than this debacle. Britney Spears got the coveted opening act gig at MTV's Video Music Awards last night. Lip-synching to her new single "Gimme More", Brit didn't heed her own words, giving the audience an absolutely nothing performance.

The girl looked like she didn't want to be there at all, dancing around like she needed about 10 cans of Red Bull. I could be generous and say that she was busy trying to remember the words of the song, but when the words basically consist of nothing but "gimme, gimme more", that excuse goes out the window. And she couldn't even remember THOSE words! Several times, she covered her mouth or turned a few times to cover.

Basically, she looked lethargic, uninspired and a shell of her old self both in performance and physique. I'm not going to go as far as TMZ did in comparing her to Fat Elvis, but if you don't got it, don't flaunt it. Meaning, don't wear a bikini, fishnet stockings and boots on stage if you can't pull it off anymore, mmkay?

It was really the worst kind of opening of a show that you could get. And Sarah Silverman didn't help matters immediately after Brit. Her jokes flat out bombed. They barely got a ripple of embarrassed chuckles from the audience. Calling Britney's kids "the most adorable mistakes" and something about them coming from a hairless vagina. It was really bad. There was also a fight between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock during a commercial break. Apparently Kid Rock came up to Tommy Lee and clocked him. Word is that Tommy instigated it, and he was the one who was escorted out while Kid Rock was allowed to stay. And Kanye West bitched (AGAIN) about not winning awards.

The show itself was kind of a dud - too many cuts to half songs. The few highlights were Alicia Keys' performance and Chris Brown's dancing. And Justin Timberlake calling MTV out for not playing enough music videos and putting too much reality tv on (while the stars of the Hills were onstage with him). Yeah, you tell 'em, JT!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Seacrest May Sing

Emmy host Ryan Seacrest said on his radio show the other day that he may or may not sing in the opening of the award show on Sept. 16, depending on how confident he feels that day.

If he does, I would not be surprised if Idol judge Simon Cowell somehow gets involved in it so he can poke more fun at his friend's (?) expense.

Still no word on whether Justin Timberlake will get to sing "Dick in a Box". Fingers are still crossed!